Affordable Counselling Network CIC

Tag: therapy

  • Why Your Counsellor Doesn’t Give Advice (UK Guide)

    Why Counsellors Don’t Give Advice (And How Therapy Actually Helps) UK Guide

    Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

    If you’ve ever found yourself asking,
    “Why won’t my counsellor give me advice?” — you’re not alone.

    It’s one of the most common questions people have when starting therapy in the UK. Many clients come to counselling hoping for clear answers, especially when they’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure what to do next.

    But counselling works differently.

    Rather than telling you what to do, a counsellor supports you to understand yourself more deeply — so the decisions you make feel grounded, sustainable, and your own.

    Key Takeaways (What we see in practice)

    • Counsellors don’t usually give advice — this supports your autonomy and long-term wellbeing, not just short-term answers
    • Many clients initially find this frustrating, but over time develop greater clarity and confidence in their own decisions
    • Therapy explores what sits underneath “What should I do?” — including emotions, patterns, and internal conflict
    • Ethical frameworks in the UK emphasise avoiding undue influence and supporting independent decision-making
    • This approach can feel slower, but often leads to deeper, more lasting change

    Do Counsellors Give Advice in Therapy?

    In most forms of counselling, direct advice is not the focus.

    Instead of saying:

    • “You should leave”
    • “You should stay”
    • “You should do this”

    A counsellor will help you:

    • Explore your thoughts and feelings
    • Understand patterns in your life
    • Reflect on different possibilities

    This can feel unfamiliar at first — especially if you’re used to advice-based support.

    Why Don’t Counsellors Tell You What to Do?

    You Are the Expert in Your Own Life

    In therapy, there’s a core principle:
    you are the expert on your own experience.

    A counsellor may bring training and perspective, but they don’t:

    • Live your life
    • Carry your history in the same way
    • Experience the consequences of your decisions

    Advice can unintentionally override your own voice.

    Therapy aims to strengthen it.

    It Builds Long-Term Confidence, Not Dependency

    Advice can bring short-term relief — but it can also create reliance.

    Many clients come to therapy wanting certainty. In practice, we often see that when decisions come from external advice, doubt can return later.

    Counselling focuses on helping you:

    • Trust your own judgement
    • Feel more confident in uncertainty
    • Make decisions you can stand by over time

    Real-Life Situations Are Complex

    The issues people bring to therapy are rarely simple.

    For example:

    • Relationships can feel both supportive and painful
    • Decisions can involve conflicting values
    • Emotions can pull in different directions

    Advice often simplifies something that needs space.

    A counsellor will stay with that complexity — helping you understand it rather than rush past it.

    It’s About What’s Underneath the Question

    When someone asks, “What should I do?”, there is often more beneath it.

    In sessions, this might relate to:

    • Fear of making the wrong decision
    • Pressure from others
    • Uncertainty about what you want
    • A need for reassurance

    Rather than answering the surface question, therapy helps you explore what’s driving it.

    Ethical Practice and Power in Therapy

    In the UK, counselling is guided by ethical frameworks such as:

    • BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy)
    • UKCP (UK Council for Psychotherapy)
    • NCPS (National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society)

    These emphasise:

    • Respecting client autonomy
    • Avoiding undue influence
    • Being aware of power dynamics

    Giving advice can shift the balance of power in the room — positioning the counsellor as the authority.

    Therapy aims to keep the focus on your agency.

    In practice, this approach is consistent across different modalities — whether person-centred, psychodynamic, or integrative therapy — even if the style varies.

    What Counsellors Are Doing Instead (That You Might Not Notice)

    If your counsellor isn’t giving advice, it might sometimes feel like not much is happening.

    But often, they are:

    • Listening for patterns across sessions
    • Noticing emotional shifts or contradictions
    • Reflecting things back in a way that creates new perspective
    • Holding a space where difficult feelings can exist safely

    This work can be subtle, but it’s active.

    Over time, many clients begin to notice:

    • Increased clarity
    • Greater self-awareness
    • A stronger sense of direction

    Is It Normal to Feel Frustrated in Therapy?

    Yes — very.

    Many clients initially feel:

    • “I just want an answer”
    • “We’re going in circles”
    • “This feels slow”

    This frustration often comes from a very human place:
    wanting certainty, relief, or reassurance.

    Talking about this in therapy can be an important part of the process — not something you have to hide.

    Are There Any Situations Where Counsellors Give Advice?

    There are some situations where guidance may be offered.

    For example:

    • Psychoeducation (understanding patterns, mental health, or coping strategies)
    • Structured approaches (such as CBT, which can be more directive)
    • Signposting to additional support or services

    However, even in these cases, the focus remains on:

    • Offering options
    • Supporting your understanding
    • Keeping decision-making with you

    Is It Ever Okay to Want Advice in Therapy?

    Yes — completely.

    Many people come to therapy because they:

    • Feel stuck
    • Want clarity
    • Are worried about making the wrong decision

    Wanting advice is often about wanting support.

    In sessions, this might be explored as:

    • What feels uncertain right now
    • What kind of reassurance you’re needing
    • What matters most to you in this situation

    Rather than rejecting the need for advice, therapy works with it — helping you find your own direction.

    How This Approach Supports Long-Term Change

    Not being given advice can feel uncomfortable at first.

    But over time, it often leads to:

    • A stronger sense of self
    • Greater emotional awareness
    • Increased confidence in decision-making
    • The ability to navigate future challenges independently

    In practice, we often see that when clients arrive at their own conclusions, those decisions feel more stable and aligned.

    Our Approach at Affordable Counselling Network

    At ACN, our counsellors are trained to:

    • Work ethically and respect your autonomy
    • Support exploration rather than direct advice
    • Help you build confidence in your own judgement

    If you’re new to therapy, you might also find it helpful to read our guide on what training your counsellor will have in the UK

    We understand this approach can feel unfamiliar.

    Many clients begin therapy wanting answers — and leave with something different:

    • A deeper understanding of themselves
    • A clearer sense of direction
    • A growing trust in their own voice
    Why won’t my counsellor tell me what to do?

    Counsellors avoid giving advice because therapy is designed to help you make your own decisions, supporting long-term confidence and autonomy.

    Is it normal to feel frustrated in therapy?

    Yes. Many people expect advice and feel frustrated when they don’t receive it. This often shifts as therapy progresses.

    Do counsellors ever give advice?

    Some approaches are more structured or directive, but most counselling focuses on exploration rather than advice.

    How does therapy help if I don’t get answers?

    Therapy helps you understand yourself more deeply, which leads to clearer and more confident decisions over time.

    Can I ask my counsellor for advice?

    Yes — and this can be helpful to explore in session. Your counsellor will usually help you unpack what you’re needing and why.

    Final Thoughts

    Not giving advice isn’t a limitation of counselling — it’s part of what makes it effective.

    It shifts the focus from:
    “What should I do?”
    to
    “What feels right for me?”

    That shift can take time.

    But it often leads to decisions that feel more grounded, more sustainable, and more your own — creating space for real growth and change.

  • What Training Do Counsellors Have in the UK? How to Choose a Safe, Qualified Therapist

    What Training Do Counsellors Have in the UK? How to Choose a Safe, Qualified Therapist

    Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

    Key Takeaways

    • Counselling in the UK is not fully regulated; anyone can call themselves a counsellor regardless of training.
    • Level 4 training is crucial as it indicates readiness to work effectively and ethically with clients.
    • Affordable Counselling Network only works with counsellors who meet their standards of at least Level 4 training and clinical experience.
    • Different therapy modalities exist, and selecting the right one depends on personal comfort and fit with the counsellor.
    • When choosing a counsellor at ACN, focus on finding someone whose approach resonates with you, rather than worrying about minimum standards.

    If you’re thinking about starting therapy, it’s completely reasonable to ask:

    What training does a counsellor actually have — and how do I know they’re safe to work with?

    It’s not always a straightforward answer. In the UK, counselling and psychotherapy are not fully regulated professions, which means there isn’t one single legal standard every counsellor must meet.

    For many people, that can feel confusing — especially when you’re already in a vulnerable place.

    At Affordable Counselling Network (ACN), we hear this question a lot. Many clients come to us unsure what qualifications really mean, or worried about choosing the “wrong” counsellor.

    This guide is here to make things clearer.

    Is Counselling Regulated in the UK?

    In short: no, not fully.

    Unlike professions such as medicine or law, there is no legal requirement for someone to complete a specific qualification before calling themselves a counsellor.

    That means:

    • Someone could have extensive training and experience
    • Or very little — and still use the same title

    There are professional bodies that set standards, including:

    However, registration with these organisations is voluntary, not legally required.

    Counselling Training Levels Explained

    Counselling training in the UK is usually structured in stages:

    • Level 2 & 3 – introductory skills and theory
    • Level 4 Diploma – the minimum level to begin working with clients
    • Levels 5 & 6 – advanced training, specialisation, or degree-level study

    By the time someone reaches Level 4, they are typically:

    • In their 3rd or 4th year of training
    • Working with clients in supervised placements
    • Developing both practical skills and self-awareness

    Many counsellors continue beyond this, completing:

    • Advanced diplomas
    • Degrees or postgraduate qualifications
    • Specialist training
    • Doctoral (PhD) study

    You can explore training routes here:
    https://www.bacp.co.uk/careers/careers-in-counselling/training/

    Counsellor studying with books on the table.

    Why Level 4 Matters (And Why We Set This Standard)

    At ACN, we only work with counsellors who have reached at least Level 4 training.

    This isn’t arbitrary — it’s based on what that level represents in practice.

    By Level 4, a counsellor has:

    • Been assessed as safe to work with clients
    • Completed substantial training in ethics and boundaries
    • Developed the ability to manage risk and complexity
    • Started applying theory in real clinical work

    Below this level, training is typically skills-based rather than clinical.

    That means someone may understand counselling concepts, but not yet be equipped to hold ongoing therapeutic work safely.

    Why Clinical Experience (Hours) Matters

    Training is only one part of becoming a counsellor.

    A key part of development is completing clinical hours — real sessions with clients.

    This is where:

    • Confidence is built
    • Skills are tested and refined
    • Counsellors learn how to sit with complexity, uncertainty, and emotion

    All of this happens alongside supervision, where counsellors reflect on their work with a more experienced practitioner.

    In practice, we often find that clients feel the difference — not just in what a counsellor knows, but in how they are able to be in the room.

    Different Types of Therapy (Modalities)

    Counsellors are trained in different approaches, known as modalities, such as:

    • Person-centred therapy
    • Psychodynamic therapy
    • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
    • Integrative or pluralistic therapy

    Each offers a different way of understanding people and supporting change.

    There isn’t one “best” modality — what matters most is:

    • Whether the approach fits your needs
    • Whether you feel comfortable with the counsellor

    You can read more about therapy types via the NHS:
    https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

    Our Standards at Affordable Counselling Network

    Because the profession isn’t fully regulated, we believe it’s important to be transparent about our standards.

    All ACN counsellors:

    • Have a minimum of Level 4 training
    • Are in their 4th year of study or beyond, or fully qualified
    • Have completed clinical hours with real clients
    • Work within recognised ethical frameworks
    • Are supported through ongoing supervision
    • Continue developing through Levels 5–6, postgraduate, or doctoral study

    Our network includes:

    • Trainee counsellors
    • Qualified practitioners
    • Counsellors undertaking advanced academic research (including PhDs)

    Why we don’t work below Level 4

    We’re sometimes asked why we set this boundary.

    Put simply: below Level 4, counsellors are not yet trained to hold sustained therapeutic work safely.

    We believe that when someone reaches out for support — especially in distress — they should be met with a practitioner who has:

    • Enough training to work ethically
    • Enough experience to respond safely
    • Enough support (through supervision) to hold that responsibility

    How to Choose the Right Counsellor (at ACN)

    When you’re looking for therapy through ACN, we’ve already filtered for training, safety, and ethical practice.

    That means you don’t need to worry about minimum standards.

    Instead, the focus can shift to what matters most in therapy:

    • Finding someone whose approach feels right for you
    • Noticing whether you feel comfortable, heard, and understood
    • Feeling able to ask questions and go at your own pace

    If you’re unsure, we can support you in finding a good match — because the relationship you have with your counsellor is one of the most important parts of the process.

    If you’d prefer to search more widely, you can also find registered therapists via:
    https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
    https://www.psychotherapy.org.uk/find-a-therapist/

    Are counsellors regulated in the UK?

    No, counselling is not fully regulated in the UK. This means anyone can technically call themselves a counsellor, which is why checking training, experience, and professional standards is important.

    What level of training does a counsellor need in the UK?

    Most counsellors begin working with clients after completing Level 4 training, which is widely recognised as the minimum standard for clinical practice.

    Are trainee counsellors qualified to work with clients?

    Yes — trainee counsellors at Level 4 and above are trained to work with clients under supervision once their training institute provides a ‘Fitness to practice’ letter. They are completing clinical hours in a similar way that doctors and nurses do and are supported to work safely and ethically.

    What is the difference between a qualified and trainee counsellor?

    A qualified counsellor has completed their core training and gained the number of clinical practice hours their training institute require. A trainee counsellor is either still in training and/or still gaining their clinical hours., but already working with clients under supervision. Both can offer effective support.

    How do I choose a safe counsellor in the UK?

    Look for:
    At least Level 4 training
    Clinical experience (hours)
    Ongoing supervision
    Membership of a professional body (optional but helpful)
    Services like ACN pre-screen counsellors to ensure these standards are met.

  • ADHD Support in the UK: Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Therapy Options

    ADHD Support in the UK: Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Therapy Options

    Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

    ADHD Support in the UK

    Finding your way around ADHD can feel overwhelming—especially if you’re trying to make sense of your experiences, long waiting lists, or what support is actually available.

    This guide brings together clear information about ADHD in the UK, alongside a more human understanding of what many people go through—particularly when recognition or diagnosis comes later in life.

    If parts of this feel familiar, you’re not alone.

    What Is ADHD?

    ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how the brain regulates attention, activity levels, and impulses. It is not a lack of intelligence or effort—it reflects differences in how attention and regulation systems function.

    You might recognise ADHD through patterns such as:

    • Finding it hard to start or finish tasks, even when they matter to you
    • Becoming deeply focused on some things, while struggling to engage with others
    • Feeling mentally restless, overwhelmed, or easily distracted
    • Acting or speaking quickly, then reflecting afterwards

    In clinical terms, ADHD is described across three broad areas:

    Inattention

    • Difficulty sustaining focus on tasks or conversations
    • Losing track of time or details
    • Forgetfulness or misplacing things
    • Challenges with organisation and planning

    Hyperactivity

    • Physical restlessness (more visible in children)
    • Internal restlessness (more common in adults)
    • Difficulty slowing down or relaxing

    Impulsivity

    • Acting quickly without full consideration
    • Interrupting or speaking over others
    • Difficulty waiting or pausing before responding

    ADHD Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

    ADHD presents differently from person to person. Some people relate more to inattentive patterns, others to hyperactivity or impulsivity, and many experience a combination.

    In adults, ADHD often looks less like visible hyperactivity and more like:

    • Chronic overwhelm
    • Difficulty prioritising
    • Emotional intensity or sensitivity
    • Cycles of burnout and recovery

    Because of this, ADHD can sometimes be misunderstood or overlooked—especially in people who have developed ways to cope or mask their difficulties.

    How ADHD Affects Daily Life

    ADHD can influence many areas of life, including:

    • Work or study (e.g. deadlines, focus, organisation)
    • Relationships (e.g. communication, emotional regulation)
    • Self-esteem (e.g. feeling “not good enough” despite effort)

    Over time, repeated experiences of struggle or misunderstanding can lead to self-criticism. Many people describe feeling like they are “trying harder than others but getting different results.”

    white pencil drawing of a face with lots of wiggly arrows coming out the top of the head.

    ADHD and the Brain

    Research suggests ADHD is linked to differences in how the brain manages attention, motivation, and reward.

    This can mean that:

    • Tasks that are interesting or urgent feel easier to engage with
    • Tasks that are routine or less stimulating can feel much harder to start

    Understanding this can shift the narrative from “lack of discipline” to differences in how attention is regulated.

    Further reading:

    NHS overview of ADHD: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/

    NICE guideline (NG87): https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng87

    How ADHD Can Feel Day to Day

    People often describe:

    • Starting many things but struggling to finish
    • Feeling “behind” despite trying hard
    • Cycles of motivation and burnout
    • Sensitivity to criticism or overwhelm

    For some, these patterns have been present since childhood. For others, they become more noticeable in adulthood—especially when life becomes more demanding.

    ADHD in Adults (and Why It’s Often Missed)

    Many adults are only recognising ADHD later in life.

    This can happen because:

    • Symptoms were masked or adapted to
    • Presentations didn’t fit stereotypes (especially in women)
    • Difficulties were attributed to anxiety, depression, or personality

    Late recognition can bring a mix of:

    • Relief (“this makes sense now”)
    • Grief (“why wasn’t this understood earlier?”)

    Both are valid—and often explored in therapy.

    ADHD and Mental Health

    ADHD often overlaps with:

    • Anxiety
    • Depression
    • Burnout
    • Low self-esteem

    Sometimes people seek support for these first, before ADHD is considered.

    Research and clinical guidance (e.g. NICE) highlight the importance of understanding the full picture, rather than treating experiences in isolation.

    How to Get an ADHD Diagnosis in the UK

    NHS Route

    • Usually begins with a GP referral
    • Waiting times can be long (often 1–4+ years, depending on area)

    It can feel discouraging to realise how long support may take.

    Right to Choose (England)

    • Allows you to request an alternative NHS provider
    • Often results in shorter waiting times

    You can learn more here: https://www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/about-the-nhs/your-choices-in-the-nhs/

    Private Assessment

    • Faster access
    • Higher cost (often £500–£1,500+)

    Who Carries Out an ADHD Assessment?

    ADHD assessments are usually completed by specialist clinicians with training in neurodevelopmental conditions.

    This may include:

    • Psychiatrists (medical doctors specialising in mental health)
    • Clinical psychologists
    • Specialist ADHD teams (often multidisciplinary)

    Assessments typically involve:

    • A detailed clinical interview
    • Questions about current experiences and childhood history
    • Screening questionnaires
    • Sometimes input from family members or school/work reports

    There isn’t a single test for ADHD—diagnosis is based on patterns over time and how these affect day-to-day life.

    What Does a Diagnosis Involve Emotionally?

    Alongside the practical process, many people notice emotional responses during or after assessment.

    Some describe:

    • Relief at being understood
    • Grief for earlier experiences
    • Uncertainty about what comes next

    It can take time to process what a diagnosis means personally, not just clinically.

    Support Doesn’t Have to Wait for Diagnosis

    While diagnosis can be important, you don’t need to wait for it to begin getting support.

    Many people find it helpful to:

    • Talk through their experiences in counselling
    • Explore patterns without needing a formal label
    • Build strategies that fit their way of thinking and feeling

    Therapy and ADHD

    Therapy for ADHD isn’t about “fixing” you.

    Instead, it can offer space to:

    • Understand how your mind works
    • Reduce self-criticism
    • Work with (rather than against) your patterns
    • Process experiences like shame, burnout, or late recognition

    Approaches may include:

    • Integrative counselling
    • CBT-informed strategies
    • ADHD-informed coaching techniques

    Clinical guidance (NICE) supports psychological approaches alongside other interventions where appropriate.

    Affordable ADHD Support

    Cost can be a real barrier—especially if you’re already navigating waiting lists or uncertainty.

    Affordable counselling options, including sliding scale therapy, can make ongoing support more accessible.

    ACN connects people with therapists who offer reduced-cost sessions, including those familiar with ADHD and late diagnosis experiences.

    This includes neurodivergent-informed counsellors, as well as some therapists who bring lived experience of neurodiversity into their work—something many clients find can deepen understanding and connection in therapy.

    Further ADHD Support (UK)

    If you’re looking for additional information or community support, these organisations can be a helpful place to start. Different types of support suit different people—some prefer structured guidance, while others find connection through shared experience.

    Access to Work (workplace support funding): https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work

    NHS ADHD overview: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/

    ADHD UK (information, groups, Right to Choose guidance): https://adhduk.co.uk

    ADHDadultUK (adult-focused resources and practical tools): https://www.adhdadult.uk

    ADHD Foundation (education and wider neurodiversity support): https://www.adhdfoundation.org.uk

    ADDISS (information and support for adults and families): https://addiss.co.uk

    A Note on Relief and Grief

    If you’re recognising ADHD traits in yourself, you might notice mixed feelings.

    Some people describe a sense of clarity—finally having language for their experiences. Others feel a sense of loss for the support they didn’t receive earlier.

    Both can exist at the same time.

    There’s no right way to feel about it.

    If you’re exploring ADHD—whether diagnosed, self-identifying, or unsure—you deserve support that feels accessible and respectful.

    Explore affordable, ADHD-informed therapists with ACN.

    www.affordablecounsellingnetwork.co.uk

    What is ADHD in simple terms?

    ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how attention, activity levels, and impulses are regulated. People may experience differences in focus, organisation, and emotional regulation.

    Is ADHD a mental illness?

    ADHD is not a mental illness in the traditional sense—it is a neurodevelopmental condition. However, it can overlap with mental health difficulties such as anxiety or depression.

    Can adults have ADHD?

    Yes. ADHD often continues into adulthood, and many people are only diagnosed later in life.

    How is ADHD diagnosed in the UK?

    ADHD is diagnosed by a specialist (such as a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist) through a detailed assessment of current experiences and developmental history.

    Do I need a diagnosis to get support?

    No. Many people access counselling and support before receiving a formal diagnosis.

    Understanding Neurodivergence
    What To Expect In Your First Counselling Session
  • Eating Disorder Awareness Week: When Eating Becomes a Way of Coping

    Eating Disorder Awareness Week: When Eating Becomes a Way of Coping

    Eating can gradually become a way of coping with stress, burnout, trauma, or emotional overload. Disordered eating doesn’t always meet the criteria for an eating disorder, but it can still feel distressing and difficult to manage.

    Comfort eating is a common and understandable form of emotional regulation, often rooted in memory and early experiences of care. It becomes a concern when food feels like the only coping strategy, or when eating is followed by shame, guilt, restriction, or loss of control.

    If eating feels emotionally loaded, secretive, or stressful, that matters — even if your weight hasn’t changed. More severe symptoms, significant restriction, purging, rapid weight loss, or physical risk require specialist support.

    You don’t need a diagnosis or to be underweight to deserve help.

    Multiple wooden spoons of different colours


    Eating Disorder Awareness Week

    Eating Disorder Awareness Week encourages us to talk openly about eating difficulties, not only diagnosed eating disorders, but also the quieter, less visible ways people struggle with food.

    For many people, eating changes during periods of stress, burnout, trauma, or emotional overload. It can slowly shift from being about hunger and nourishment to being about coping. These changes are often confusing and easy to dismiss, especially if they don’t fit what we imagine an eating disorder looks like.

    This article is written for people who may be experiencing disordered eating or comfort eating, and who are wondering whether their relationship with food is still supporting them — or beginning to feel difficult.

    Disordered Eating and Eating Disorders: What’s the Difference?

    Disordered eating and eating disorders are related, but they are not the same.

    Disordered eating refers to patterns of eating that feel distressing, emotionally driven, or hard to manage, but that don’t meet diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder. These patterns are common, especially during periods of stress, and often develop as ways of coping.

    Eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa, are serious mental health conditions that involve significant medical and psychological risk and require specialist treatment.

    Disordered eating can exist without becoming an eating disorder, and many people experience it at some point in their lives.
    It still deserves attention and care, even if it doesn’t come with a diagnosis.

    What Disordered Eating Can Look Like

    Disordered eating sits on a spectrum. It may include experiences such as:

    • Eating in response to stress, anxiety, or emotional discomfort
    • Using food to soothe, numb, or distract
    • Skipping meals unintentionally or deliberately
    • Feeling out of control around food
    • Eating past fullness and feeling guilt or shame afterwards
    • Rigid food rules or “good/bad” thinking
    • Feeling disconnected from hunger or fullness cues

    These patterns often develop gradually, and many people live with them for years without naming them as disordered, particularly if their weight or appearance hasn’t changed.

    Comfort Eating and Emotional Regulation

    Comfort eating is one of the most common, and most misunderstood, coping strategies.

    Food can offer:

    • Sensory grounding
    • Familiarity and predictability
    • Emotional soothing
    • Relief when things feel overwhelming

    For people who are emotionally overloaded or exhausted, eating can become one of the most accessible ways to regulate.

    The difficulty usually isn’t comfort eating itself. It tends to arise when food becomes the only coping strategy available, or when eating is followed by intense self-criticism, shame, or attempts to compensate.

    Comfort Eating, Memory and Childhood Associations

    Comfort eating is rarely random.

    Many of us reach for foods that are deeply familiar, often the same foods we were given as children when we were ill, upset, tired, or in need of care. Soft textures. Warm meals. Foods that required little effort or decision-making.

    If you notice that when you’re struggling, you gravitate towards these foods, that isn’t a lack of control. It’s memory.

    Food is one of the earliest ways many of us experienced care. Over time, the body learns to associate certain foods with safety and reassurance. When life feels overwhelming, your nervous system may reach back to what once helped, not because you’re failing, but because you’re trying to feel safe.

    When Eating Starts to Feel Difficult

    Disordered eating is often noticed not because of what someone eats, but because of how it feels.

    You might recognise experiences such as:

    • Eating on autopilot
    • Feeling disconnected while eating
    • Hiding eating habits or eating in secret
    • Cycling between comfort eating and restriction
    • Feeling anxious, guilty, or ashamed around food
    • Feeling preoccupied with eating or not eating

    If eating has become emotionally loaded or stressful, that matters — even if you appear “fine” from the outside.

    Stress, Burnout, and Coping Capacity

    Periods of stress and burnout commonly affect eating. Appetite can fluctuate, routines fall away, and food becomes either harder to manage or more relied upon.

    This is especially common for people who are:

    • Living with chronic stress
    • Neurodivergent
    • Emotionally overextended
    • Managing trauma or grief
    • Carrying multiple responsibilities with limited support

    In these contexts, eating patterns are often less about food itself and more about coping capacity.

    What We Often See in the Therapy Room

    In the therapy room, disordered eating and comfort eating rarely arrive on their own.

    People often come wanting to talk about stress, exhaustion, relationships, burnout, or feeling disconnected from themselves.
    Food enters the conversation gradually, sometimes with embarrassment or apology. What we often see is not a problem with food, but a person who has been coping for a long time.

    Eating becomes a place where everything that hasn’t had space elsewhere finally lands: overwhelm, unmet needs, grief, depression, loneliness, or pressure. For many, therapy is the first place these patterns are spoken about without judgement or pressure to change.

    Online Counselling and Accessibility

    When eating difficulties are present, accessing support can feel daunting.

    Online counselling can reduce barriers such as travel, sensory overload, and the effort involved in attending appointments. For some people, being in a familiar environment makes it easier to speak openly about food, emotions, and coping patterns.

    A Note on BMI and Physical Risk

    BMI has limitations and does not reflect emotional distress or relationship with food. However, clinicians do use it as one indicator of physical safety.

    In adults:

    • A BMI below 18.5 is considered underweight
    • A BMI around 17 or below usually prompts concern and referral to specialist eating disorder services
    • A BMI below 15 is widely recognised as medically dangerous and often requires urgent specialist care

    These numbers are not measures of worth or severity, they are used solely to assess physical risk and determine the level of care needed.

    If restriction, purging, rapid weight change, or physical symptoms such as dizziness or fainting are present, specialist support is essential. Importantly, many people with eating disorders never reach these thresholds. You don’t have to be underweight to deserve help.

    When Eating Difficulties Are More Serious

    Some eating-related difficulties require specialist medical and therapeutic care, and it’s important to be clear about this.

    Eating disorders, such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, involve significant physical and psychological risk.
    As a result, those experiencing severe symptoms of such conditions are not presentations that ACN can always support directly.

    UK Organisations for Specialist Eating Disorder Support

    If you are concerned that your eating difficulties may be more serious, the following UK organisations can help:

    Beat Eating Disorders
    The UK’s leading eating disorder charity, offering confidential helplines and webchat.
    https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/

    SEED (Support and Empathy for Eating Disorders)
    Provides education, advocacy, and support for people affected by eating disorders.
    https://www.seedeatingdisorders.org.uk/

    A GP can also assess risk and arrange referrals to NHS eating disorder services.

    Disordered eating is not a failure of willpower.

    It is often a response to stress, emotional overload, or unmet needs, especially in a culture that places moral value on food and bodies.

    Eating Disorder Awareness Week is an invitation to notice these patterns with curiosity rather than judgement, and to seek support before things become harder.

    If this resonates, you’re not alone and support is available 💛

    Key Takeaways

    • Eating can gradually become a coping strategy during stress, burnout, trauma, or emotional overload.
    • Disordered eating does not require a diagnosis to deserve attention or support.
    • Comfort eating is a common form of emotional regulation and often linked to memory and early experiences of care.
    • Eating becomes more concerning when it feels out of control, secretive, or is followed by shame, guilt, or restriction.
    • BMI does not measure emotional distress, but significant physical risk requires specialist support.
    • You do not need to be underweight or severely unwell to seek help.

  • Self-Love and Mental Health: Why It Matters

    Self-Love and Mental Health: Why It Matters

    Woman's hand holding a fabric heart that says "Loving yourself changes everything"

    In today’s fast-paced and demanding world, it’s easy to lose sight of one’s own needs. Between work commitments, family responsibilities, and societal expectations, we often prioritise everything and everyone else over ourselves. Yet, neglecting self-love can have significant consequences for our mental health.

    Self-love is not about vanity or selfishness; it’s about recognising your worth, treating yourself with kindness, and making choices that nurture your well-being. When you cultivate self-love, you build a foundation for a healthier mind and a more fulfilling life. In this blog post, we’ll explore what self-love means, why it matters for mental health, and how you can begin to embrace it.

    What Is Self-Love?

    Self-love can be defined as the practice of valuing and caring for yourself. It’s about accepting who you are, including your strengths and imperfections, and prioritising your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Self-love involves:

    • Setting boundaries: Protecting your energy and not sacrificing your well-being to please others
    • Practising self-compassion: Being kind to yourself, especially during challenging times.
    • Acknowledging your achievements: Celebrating your successes, no matter how small they may seem.
    • Taking care of your body and mind : Ensuring you eat well, exercise, getting enough rest and having someone to talk to.

    Why Self-Love Matters for Mental Health

    1. Reduces Stress and Anxiety

    When you practice self-love, you’re more likely to set boundaries that protect you from unnecessary stress. You’re less inclined to over-commit or take on responsibilities that overwhelm you. By prioritising your well-being, you create space to recharge and manage anxiety more effectively.

    1. Improves Self-Esteem

    Self-love fosters a positive self-image. When you value yourself, you’re less likely to engage in self-criticism or compare yourself to others. This improved sense of self-worth can boost your confidence and help you navigate life with greater resilience.

    1. Enhances Relationships

    Loving yourself helps to build healthier relationships with others. Setting boundaries and communicating your needs leads to more balanced and fulfilling connections.

    When you respect and value yourself, you attract people who treat you with the same respect.

    1. Promotes Emotional Resilience

    Life is full of challenges, and self-love equips you with the tools to handle them.

    Being kind to yourself means allowing room for setbacks without turning them into self-criticism. It’s approaching challenges with curiosity and a problem-solving mindset, rather than defaulting to blame.

    1. Supports Overall Well-Being

    Self-love involves making intentional choices that support your mental, emotional, and physical health.

    That might mean building in proper rest, setting aside time to reset, or reaching out for professional support when you need it. These practical acts of care form the foundation of sustainable wellbeing.

    Hand touching a mirror to create a heart shape

    Cultivating Self-Love

    Counselling can play a meaningful role in strengthening self-worth and supporting your mental health. Professional support offers both structure and space to explore what may be getting in the way of treating yourself with care.

    Here are several ways it can make a difference:

    1. Uncovering Unhelpful Patterns

    Therapy helps you notice recurring thought patterns or core beliefs that undermine self-worth.
    With guidance, you can examine how past experiences, internalised criticism, or perfectionist standards may be shaping the way you relate to yourself, and begin to shift those patterns.

    1. Building Self-Awareness

    Counselling provides a confidential, reflective space to better understand your emotions, behaviours, and triggers. Developing this awareness clarifies your needs and values, making it easier to respond to yourself with intention rather than reactivity.

    1. Developing Healthy Coping Strategies

    A therapist can support you in building practical tools for managing stress, anxiety, and other challenges. Approaches such as grounding techniques, structured reflection, or breathwork can help you navigate difficulty with greater steadiness and self-compassion.

    1. Prioritising Self-Care

    When life feels demanding, self-care is often the first thing to be scratched off the list. Therapy can help you to focus yourself, and creating sustainable routines that protect your energy and mental health.

    1. Providing Validation and Support

    For those who experience guilt, shame, or feelings of unworthiness, counselling offers a non-judgmental environment where your experiences are heard and taken seriously. Being met with empathy and professional support can gradually strengthen your sense of worth and self-acceptance.

    How to Cultivate Self-Love

    If self-love doesn’t come naturally, that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. It’s a skill that you can develop over time through small, steady changes.

    Here are some practical steps to get started:

    1. Be kinder to yourself

    Notice how you speak to yourself, especially when things go wrong. Try to replace harsh self-criticism with something more understanding. You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of compassion.

    Treat yourself the way you would a close friend who needs support.
    Instead of “I got it wrong,” try, “I’m doing my best, and I can learn from this.”

    2. Set Healthy Boundaries

    It’s okay to say no. Learn to turn down commitments that don’t align with your values or needs.

    Setting boundaries is not about pushing people away. Protecting your time and energy lets you show up more fully in the areas that matter most.

    3. Celebrate Your Achievements

    Take time to acknowledge your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Whether it’s completing a project at work or simply getting through a tough day, celebrate your efforts and remind yourself of your strengths.

    4. Make space for Self-Care

    Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate to be meaningful. Think of it as a necessity, not a luxury.
    Prioritise the basics that support your wellbeing: rest, movement, quiet time, connection, or professional support if you need it.

    5. Reach out when you need support

    You don’t have to manage everything alone, there’s no shame in asking for help.
    Speaking to a friend, joining a group, or working with a counsellor can remind you that your needs matter.

    6. Practice Gratitude

    Gratitude shifts your focus from what you lack to what you have. Each day, take a moment to reflect on three things you’re grateful for. This simple practice can improve your mood and help you develop a more positive outlook.

    7. Create a Morning Ritual

    Starting your day with self-love can set the tone for the hours ahead. Consider establishing a morning ritual that focuses on your well-being. This could be as simple as practising mindfulness for five minutes, stretching your body, or writing down positive affirmations. Small rituals can have a big impact on how you perceive yourself and the day ahead.

    8. Challenge negative beliefs

    Many of us carry negative beliefs about ourselves that were formed in childhood or through difficult life experiences.
    With support, these patterns can change.

    Counselling may help you to identify these thought patterns, and gently question where they came from and how accurate they really are.

    9. Do things that bring you joy

    Make time for activities that feel enjoyable or meaningful, simply because they matter to you.
    When was the last time you did something purely because it made you happy?

    Engaging in activities that bring you joy is an important way to honour yourself. Whether it’s painting, dancing, or exploring new hobbies, giving yourself permission to enjoy life is an act of self-love.

    Overcoming Barriers to Self-Love

    For many people, self-love can feel uncomfortable or even selfish, especially if you’ve been conditioned to prioritise others over yourself.

    You might feel guilty for setting boundaries, taking time for yourself, or acknowledging your own needs. It’s important to challenge these beliefs and recognise that self-love is not about neglecting others, it’s about ensuring you’re in a good place to support those around you.

    If feelings of guilt or unworthiness feel deeply rooted, therapy can help you explore where they began and support you in building a healthier relationship with yourself. You might explore past experiences, cultural influences, or negative self-talk that have shaped your beliefs about self-worth.

    Practising self-love doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Start small:
    ✔ Challenge negative self-talk – Notice when you’re being self-critical and replace those thoughts with kinder, more compassionate ones.
    ✔ Set boundaries – Prioritise your own well-being by saying no when needed and protecting your time and energy.
    ✔ Engage in self-care – Whether it’s a quiet moment with a book, a walk in nature, or simply resting when you need to, small acts of self-care reinforce self-worth.
    ✔ Surround yourself with positivity – Spend time with those who uplift and support you rather than drain your energy.

    Be patient with yourself and remember that valuing your own needs isn’t selfish, it’s essential.
    Self-love isn’t a destination you arrive at. It’s a practice.

    Key Takeaways

    • Self-love is essential for mental health; it involves valuing yourself and making choices that nurture well-being.
    • Practicing self-love can reduce stress, improve self-esteem, enhance relationships, and promote emotional resilience.
    • Counselling plays a significant role in cultivating self-love by helping uncover unhelpful patterns and developing healthy coping strategies.
    • To cultivate self-love, set healthy boundaries, practice gratitude, and engage in activities that bring joy.
    • Overcoming barriers to self-love is crucial; it’s not selfish but necessary for supporting others effectively.

  • 💙 Movember: Growing Awareness, Saving Lives

    💙 Movember: Growing Awareness, Saving Lives

    Changing the Story of Men’s Mental Health

    Every November, moustaches become more than just a fun trend…

    What began as a light-hearted initiative has grown into a global movement. Movember tackles some of the most serious issues facing men today, including prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and suicide prevention.

    At its heart, Movember is about conversation, encouraging men to talk openly about physical and mental health.

    🧠 The Silent Crisis: Men and Suicide

    Suicide remains one of the leading causes of death among men under 50 in the UK.

    According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS, 2023), 74% of all suicides in the UK were men – a figure that remains heartbreakingly consistent year-on-year.

    Globally, the World Health Organization (WHO) reports that over 700,000 people die by suicide each year.

    Around 3 out of every 4 suicides are men.

    Despite these alarming figures, men are far less likely to seek help. Research by Mind showed only 36% of NHS referrals for psychological therapies are male.

    Cultural expectations around masculinity often make it difficult for men to express emotions or ask for help. Phrases like “man up” or “keep it together” reinforce silence, even when someone is struggling deeply.

    Reaching out for support isn’t weakness, it’s strength.

    🥸 Why Movember Matters

    Movember is more than a moustache. It’s a movement that aims to change the face of men’s health by encouraging conversations, raising funds, and challenging stigma.

    Since its launch in 2003, the Movember Foundation has funded more than 1,250 men’s health projects worldwide, investing over £700 million into mental health, suicide prevention, and cancer research.

    By raising awareness and supporting community projects, Movember empowers men to stay connected and get help early before they’re in crisis.

    🚨 Recognising the Signs of Suicide Risk

    If you’re worried about yourself or someone you know, look out for the following signs:

    • Withdrawing from family, friends, or activities
    • Talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, or being a burden
    • Increased alcohol or drug use
    • Major changes in mood, sleep, or energy
    • Expressing thoughts of self-harm or death

    Reaching out, even just asking “Are you really okay?” can start a life-saving conversation. 

    If you’re unsure where to start, Mental Health UK offers free, practical tools and downloadable guides to help you have these important conversations.

    👉 Find resources and guides here

    🤝 Reaching Out for Help

    This Movember, take a moment to check in with the men in your life, and yourself. Connection can make an enormous difference.

    Whether you’re struggling with stress, anxiety, depression, or simply feeling overwhelmed, help is always available.

    🌱 A Message of Hope

    Talking about suicide can feel uncomfortable, but silence can be deadly. When we open up conversations about men’s mental health, we build a future where reaching out for help is normal and celebrated.

    This Movember, let’s wear our moustaches — or our support — proudly.
    Together, we can change the story of men’s mental health and save lives.

    📞 If You or Someone You Know Is Struggling

    • Samaritans (UK): Call 116 123 – free and available 24/7
    • Mind: 0300 123 3393 – for mental health advice and support
    • CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably): 0800 585858 – for men in crisis

  • Changes to Routine: Finding Balance in Unfamiliar Times

    Changes to Routine: Finding Balance in Unfamiliar Times

    Routines matter for Mental Health

    Human beings thrive on rhythm and predictability. Daily routines, whether it is the morning commute, school drop-offs, or simply knowing what comes next, give structure to our lives. They act as anchors in a busy world, helping us feel safe, grounded and in control.

    When routine is disrupted through events like losing a job, the arrival of summer holidays, or sudden life changes, we may experience:

    • A sense of uncertainty or loss of identity
    • Increased anxiety or low mood due to lack of structure
    • Difficulties with motivation and concentration
    • Feeling “out of sync” with others around us

    For those already living with stress, depression, ADHD, autism, or other forms of neurodivergence, these disruptions can be especially challenging.

    Disruptions to Routine

    • Job loss or career change: The sudden loss of daily structure can bring both practical and emotional challenges.
    • School holidays: Parents and carers may find themselves juggling work, childcare, and self-care. Children may also struggle with the absence of predictable school routines.
    • Life transitions: Moving house, retirement, or illness can throw off familiar patterns and rhythms.

    Recognising that these disruptions are valid sources of stress is an important first step.

    Strategies for coping with change

    Here are some simple strategies that can help you maintain balance when routines shift:

    1. Create gentle anchors in your day

    Even small habits can restore a sense of structure. Try setting consistent times for waking up, meals, or short walks. These anchors give your body and mind reassuring signals.

    2. Use visual aids for structure

    Calendars, planners, or phone reminders can help keep track of tasks and maintain rhythm. Families might benefit from a shared wall planner to balance responsibilities.

    3. Prioritise small, achievable goals

    When the bigger picture feels overwhelming, focus on simple goals such as “Today I will cook a meal” or “I’ll spend 10 minutes reading.” Completing these can boost motivation and self-esteem.

    4. Stay connected

    Changes to routine can sometimes lead to isolation. Scheduling regular calls, meet-ups, or community activities can provide grounding and reduce loneliness. Of all the techniques, this is the most important of all.

    5. Mindful moments

    Practising short mindfulness exercises, even just paying attention to the breath for one minute, can help calm the nervous system and build tolerance for change.

    When to Seek Extra Support

    If changes to your routine are leaving you persistently low, anxious or overwhelmed, it may help to talk with someone you trust. For some, counselling can provide a supportive space to explore feelings and discover strategies that feel right for them.

    Life’s routines will always shift, sometimes gradually and sometimes suddenly. We cannot always control change, but we can prepare ourselves and manage the impact this has on our lives when change does come.

    Reaching out for connection, and treating ourselves with kindness can make times of transition feel more manageable.

  • Coping with Change: How to Navigate Life’s Transitions

    Coping with Change: How to Navigate Life’s Transitions

    Coping with Change: How to Navigate Life’s Transitions

    Spring is a season of transformation. As the days grow longer and nature stirs back to life, we’re reminded that change is always happening — in nature, in others, and in ourselves. Sometimes change feels hopeful and energising. Other times, it can feel like the ground has shifted beneath our feet.

    Whether expected or sudden, welcome or unwanted, change can affect our mental and emotional balance. It’s natural to feel off-balance during periods of transition — learning how to think flexibly and move through those times can make a big difference.

    Why Does Change Feel So Hard?

    Our brains are wired to seek safety in the familiar. The amygdala — the part of the brain that processes fear — often interprets uncertainty as a threat, triggering stress or anxiety. That’s why even positive changes, like starting a new job or moving to a new place, can feel uncomfortable.

    Common challenges people experience during times of change include:

    • Fear of the Unknown – Not knowing what’s coming next can make it hard to feel grounded.
    • Loss of Control – When something unexpected happens, it’s easy to feel powerless.
    • Emotional Discomfort – Transitions can bring grief, frustration, or stress.
    • Attachment to Routine – Familiar habits give structure, breaking them can be unsettling.

    These reactions are part of being human — but there are ways to soften the impact and build resilience along the way.

    Practical Ways to Cope with Change

    Acknowledge What You Feel
    Ignoring emotions doesn’t make them go away. In fact, pushing them down often adds to the stress. Giving space to your feelings — through conversation, journaling, or simply noticing them with curiosity — can help the nervous system settle.

    Focus on What You Can Influence
    Even small actions can restore a sense of agency. Making a list, setting a routine, or simply tidying your space can help give you a sense of order during periods of uncertainty.

    Keep Some Structure Where You Can
    Change often disrupts daily life, but anchoring yourself with a few regular habits can be comforting. Simple things — like taking a morning walk, eating regular meals, or setting a wind-down routine at night — help the body regulate stress.

    Reach Out for Support
    Talking to someone can be a huge relief. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or a counsellor, sharing what you’re going through can ease the burden. You don’t have to have all the answers — just being heard can help.

    Make Time for Stillness and Care
    Practices like breathwork, meditation, or simply stepping outside for fresh air can quiet the noise and help you feel more rooted. Even a few minutes a day can make a difference.

    Final Thoughts

    Change is part of being alive — and so is feeling unsure when things shift. There’s no single way to get through it, but tending to your emotions, creating small pockets of stability, and asking for support when you need it can help you feel less alone.

    If you’re finding things especially tough, you’re not weak or failing — you’re responding in a very human way to something hard. And there are people who want to walk alongside you, if and when you’re ready.